I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
