dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
