I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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