I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
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