I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
