Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
being pregnant is like rehab
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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