I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
