just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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