Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
