I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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