We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I am available for nakedness
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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