Pappa wants mamma naked
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
