WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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