i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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