Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
