New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
