I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
