I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize