Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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