New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
