I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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