My Higher Power is John Stamos
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
