dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
