Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?