yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.