He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
sex in a hospital.. check
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.