You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
