so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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