Pants 0. Shit 1.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Pants are for mortals
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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