jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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