ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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