normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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