This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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