ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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