I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
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You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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