I cockslap morals
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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