i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
