so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
