His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
