hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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