from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
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If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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