I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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