If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
