Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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