I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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