Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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