Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
