my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
