I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
