some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
