I'm drive I can fine osifer
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
