Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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