I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
