If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
