I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
do herpes really smell.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
