wakey wakey hands off snakey
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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