We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
