My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
