She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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