There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
