Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
