how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
