i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
