is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
