I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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