I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
