Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Randomize
