That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
