You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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