I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You can't special order awesome
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
