I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
