im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
operation harelip BJ is a go
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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