She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
he fucked my hip out of place.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
