Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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