there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
