Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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