Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
