You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
