I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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