lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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