Welp...herpes.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
