i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
