there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
