you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize
