shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Apparently you make a good broom.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
