Jerry, you need to find god
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
