he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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