Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
