I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
