Please, let me fuck your mom
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
operation harelip BJ is a go
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
