Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
