the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
